The final chapter: covering up abuse.

This page was never intended to be written. I’d imagined that I would have left secular theology at the secular institution. But the reaches of an Enlightenment theology that claims the Scriptures were merely afterthoughts of a political empire, and therefore not accurate or authoritative, appear to have sunk deeply into NZ Christian education. Each successive wave of new age theologians, the feminists, the liberation and queer theologians, and now the cultural Marxists, have ensured that, as long as truth is only relative and anything is acceptable, the Church in New Zealand is becoming irrelevant.

(Despite it’s content, this is not satire.)

Operations Manager,
Laidlaw Christian College.

Dear Allan,

This letter is a result of the review of my Masters year here within the Laidlaw community with Stephen G and myself on the 24th November 2016. I’d failed in my attempt at Masters level study, and after discussing some of the reasons, Stephen said the next step was to write to you. I’d asked for this meeting as an opportunity to gain some perspective on the events of this year from an official Laidlaw point of view, so to speak. This letter will be in three parts. Firstly, and you will need to check this exact wording with Stephen, will be his assessment that he gave of my year here from the information supplied to him from the staff at various times during the year. The second part will be my expansion and clarification of my time here, briefly detailing, from my perspective, what the reasons behind his assessment were. The final section will detail my reply to Stephen’s question “Where to from here?”

Our meeting began with me asking Stephen how he thought my year had been. He answered pretty candidly that it appears to have been somewhat unsuccessful, as I had some personality issues and trouble fitting in socially. This is pretty much what I had expected to hear from Stephen, as it had also been the general vibe that I have had from the staff that report to him throughout the year.

I had asked for this meeting as a chance to let him know of my experiences here that contributed to my failure this year. And I wanted to ask if he thought my Laidlaw community experience was a typical one. At the end he reiterated that my experience was not a typical one, however you may recognise that these issues below have been simmering here at Laidlaw for years. Possibly decades. My request for this meeting had come after I had spent a month (November) in quiet reflection and prayer on the year, which was assisted by a message at Promise Keepers.

There was not one, but many factors that led to my failure here, and I will attempt to keep this list brief and relevant.

Firstly, there was a systemic failure within the enrolments/finance department that meant my student loan (course fees, living expense etc) was not authorised by Laidlaw. When I first enrolled there was abundant student accommodation available both on campus, and suitable single room flats privately within the local area. But both Laidlaw and private accommodation required that I have bond and rent in advance, and actually pay rent each week. For this reason I needed my Studylink loan and living expenses approved. Studylink had said they would top up an accommodation allowance so I can afford East Wing if necessary, but first I needed an actual contract. Available accommodation diminished quickly after the semester started. Each time I signed up for a new rental in the hope that my loan would be approved, I had to withdraw when I still didn’t front with the cash. But my student loan was never approved. Each week I’d come into the office and asked if my loan had been approved, and Laidlaw would say it was a Studylink issue, while Studylink said that it was a Laidlaw issue. Studylink assured me that my loan was not finalised until it was accepted by Laidlaw. This was as systemic failure on Laidlaw’s behalf.

During orientation I had asked Student Services if I could even start studying, because the Laidlaw T&Cs state that I was not enrolled formally until I had paid my fees, which, technically, I had not done. I was still receiving invoices for these fees two weeks later. After 5 weeks of moving through temporary accommodation which included couch surfing, I cancelled my student loan with Studylink and I emailed Pastoral and Office staff withdrawing from my study. I knew I would not be capable of Masters level study if I was to spend the year couch surfing between various temporary locations. I was told that the only East Wing Unit that was then available was kept for emergencies. When I asked what an emergency was, I was told that it was in case a women who lived on site was assaulted and needed some urgent accommodation. This seemed fair enough.

The second Laidlaw systemic failure came after I had withdrawn from study, in the fifth week of the semester. I was told by the Pastoral, Finance and the Post-grad advisors that because I withdrew mid-semester that I would lose my NZQA unit standards for the year as “DNC”. This is something that, upon consideration at the time, I felt I could not do. Losing my year as DNCs would mean I could not at a future time continue study with Studylink loan support. At the time I asked each if there was any way around this, was assured by the Finance, Pastoral and Post-grad advisors that here was nothing they could do about DNCs as this was an NZQA regulation, and not a Laidlaw regulation. I categorise this as a systematic failure on Laidlaw’s behalf because what I was told by these three Laidlaw staff was untrue. Both Laidlaw and NZQA regulations say that one is not technically enrolled until course fees are fully paid. Even if one completes study, a student cannot graduate until course fees are paid. At that stage I had already cancelled my student loan. Studylink advised this cancellation was legitimate as my courses had not been verified by Laidlaw. There was no way my course fees could be paid, and no way that NZQA could register anything against my name because they would not have received any fees from me for this year.

But because of this incorrect information that I received from Laidlaw staff, I reactivated my Student Loan. After I agreed to reactivate my loan I called Studylink, it was approved by Laidlaw, and verified by Studyink, within minutes. Laidlaw later offered a single weeks temporary accommodation, however this would have resulted in an extra two moves, which for me were financially inconceivable at that stage.

Within days I found permanent flatting position on campus in time for my second 40hour block course in week six of semester one. As with any mixed flatting situation, I’d made it clear to Sarah that I wasn’t into having a relationship, and that because I was already several weeks behind she wouldn’t see much of me because I didn’t anticipate having any spare time. That was fine she said, as long as I was clean and paid my rent on time. I paid an extra week in advance because she had been without a flatmate for a while and her finances were tight. This flat ‘turns to custard’ on the eighth night after I received approximately two hours of verbal abuse starting at 10.15pm on Friday night. This started when she opened my bedroom door and came into my room and proceeded to accuse me of not studying properly as I was reading. Initially I tried defending my study habits by pointing out that I was actually following the book she was quoting from. She had her Masters, and was studying to be a counsellor. After 30 minutes she changed her tune saying that I’d have to move out if I didn’t pay her more attention when she wanted it. I advised her immediately that I would move out. This set her off on almost 90 minutes of continuous rant and abuse, that I had no balls, I had no spine, all apparently justified because Stephen told her that I was so. I said that I didn’t know any Stephens, but she assured me it was Stephen G, co-principle of Laidlaw. At the time I brushed this off because, after knowing Stephen for 4 years since I started at Auckland University, I knew Stephen had no idea about my study habits at 10pm on a Friday night. I agreed to move out within 48 hours because I did not want to change my study habits just for her, and because the whole episode, her language, and body language indicated that she would not hesitate to get violent at the flick of an unknown switch. I wasn’t so annoyed at what she’d said, it was the demands for physical attention and my time that were the problem. That was to be my last week of full sleep, two sleepless nights later I move into another of Laidlaw’s policy failures.

My assessment of Sarah’s character proved correct when on Sunday morning she again came and blocked off my bedroom door for round two while I was getting dressed. After 10 minutes of Sarah repeating Friday night’s material, which had both Stephen’s and, additionally this time, her mother’s authority, I tried to leave my bedroom. She again insisted it was her right to keep me in my bedroom because it was her flat. She said I would have to squeeze past her. Being body-slammed into the bedroom door by a 300 pound person is a memorable experience. What was really eye-opening in this whole drama was that Sarah had still expected me to keep living with her after the initial two hours. Later that day I returned with someone else who distracted her while I empted my room.

I’d reasoned that her abuse was because I hadn’t responded as she had hoped to her romantic advances when she had tried tickling me etc, and sought compliments earlier in the week. I later found out from a third party that 50+yo Sarah had got a lot more physical earlier with a previous 20yo flatmate, attempting to massage him in public, while not seeing the horrified look on his face as she stood behind him. And as in my case, Sarah had gained his personal information with invasive questioning during the initial period, then manipulated and intimidated him imposing herself on him physically.

I understand that Christians are called to love one another, but fake forced physical affection because one party attempts to physically intimidate and emotionally manipulate another into submission isn’t love at all.

I was offered a spare room temporarily by a group of guys desperate for a flatmate. I then moved into another of Laidlaw’s policy rules which highlights a lack of academic pastoral consideration on Laidlaw’s behalf. There was yet another empty house at the time, however this was not available to me, even though I had all the gear to set up a new flat, because Accommodation wanted to fill up one flat before starting another. This seemed fair enough. However, what I was not told was that these guys in House 3 had just been kicked out of East Wing because of numerous noise complaints with 3 people living in a single unit. When I went to Accommodation two weeks after I signed the contract to see what my options were, I was told that “they” (the Laidlaw office staff) hadn’t expected “that flat to last long” because of the previous noise complaints against the people involved. These complaints were verified by those in East Wing who made them several weeks later. The House 3 guys themselves later said they’d been kicked out because they were “bad boys”. Accommodation said that I could move out of House 3 as soon as I found someone to take my share of the lease. I had already attempted other steps to deal with the noise, I used ear plugs etc, and a doctor said that sleeping pills are unnecessary because I have no problem getting to sleep, it is just yelling and banging in the middle of the nights that was waking me up.

That week someone I had not yet met, John, came banging around at 2.30am looking for cigarettes. After being woken up I waited until they left and then got up to use the loo. John comes back in wanting conversation and cigarettes, and because he didn’t get any at 2.30am, he returned at 5pm the next day coming into my bedroom to abuse me for dishonouring him earlier that morning. John was a “pastor” who held services at Laidlaw each week and all of our resources were supposed to be at his disposal. After no sleep the previous night I didn’t realise just how angry John was and how violent he was about to become until another of the House 3 flatmates jumped in between us and pushes him out the door. In the next weeks he would occasionally sleep on the couch, sometimes it seemed with his 2 young girls who would be in the bathroom when I woke up. For the next month, nights are never quiet enough to get more than 2, 3 or 4 hours sleep. With up to eight people sleeping in a four bedroom house (up to 6 men and 2 of what appear to be pre-teen girls) the place begins pretty quickly to smell like an open sewer. And if I didn’t wash the floor regularly the maggots were out in force. And this was all before the toilet blocked up for a couple of weeks. I could tell Accommodation are sick of me, telling me my options are to keep paying rent there if I move off-site, or to find someone to take my place. It is impossible to find people who want to move in when they cant even get through the door due to the stench. Pastoral just don’t even reply for requests for any other available options.

And the Laidlaw community spirit just keeps getting better when another as yet unknown person, Uani, who has just apparently had a cultural lecture, comes into the study office and rants at me for ten minutes that I do not deserve to have an office, along with all the usual anti-white male cultural-Marxism currently fashionable at Auckland uni. By this time I learn that the default insult here at Laidlaw is “You’re not a Christian”, because after Sarah and John used it, I hear it repeated several times for a third time in my first three weeks living on Campus. I was to learn that Uani was one of John’s friends, and no doubt been sent up because he was bitter about me not having cigarettes when shaken down in the middle of the night. The anti-colonial, anti-established church, white-hate movement is strong amongst students at Laidlaw, with most graduates intending to go off to start their own house churches. I can appreciate how this anti-white attitude creates an extremely liberating, empowering and supportive study environment for some. Others verified this attitude.

After two months of largely sleepless nights due to whatever people are roaming around campus finding House 3 in the middle of the night looking for people to go drinking or smoking with, the end of semester is nigh and I am so far behind in my studies I attempt to withdraw again. By this time I realise there is no (zero) pastoral assistance available, and that anything we signed with any sort of good Christian behavioural marketing attached to any documentation was meaningless. One of my lecturers stepped in with the first encouragement from anyone that semester and I was offered the emergency East Wing room during which time I have the first couple of decent nights sleep in months, and realise I need to get off campus. At this time I also realise that my eyesight had deteriorated markedly within just two months of sleeplessness while trying to read at all hours of the day or night. I make the decision, against everyone’s will in House 3, that I will break it up, which will leave two flatmates homeless. I also find out that there is another East Wing room still free, and had been free since the House 3 guys and John were kicked out two months earlier. After a month of it sitting empty, the fridge had been moved into House 3. Laidlaw could have been receiving $240 rent from me in East Wing, instead of just $120 at House 3.

I consider myself fortunately to have not lost much more than half of the kitchenware etc, that I had left out for flatmates use in House 3.

While flat hunting I’m approached the youngest at House 3, Tony, to move into an empty Laidlaw flat with him. He insists that he was not responsible for making the noise at nights, or mess, and when I refuse, he starts crying because he will be homeless. Well, I know what being homeless is like, so I relent. I was told by Pastoral that they have had no problems and Tony has had no issues with study and is passing everything. His parents do short term mission work. Tony assured me it wasn’t him making noise at nights, and understood how my sleeping problems were affecting my study because he’d wanted to move out of House 3 for the same reasons. Two of the other students are failing and having to resubmit their material each time. I agree to sign a 4 month contract with Tony to complete my year, and it’s emphasised that we can’t break this before due time.

While I am still waking up at nights in the new flat, Tony insists that he is asleep and it’s not him making noises every couple of nights when I wake. After three weeks the smell from his room is becoming unbearable, when I bring it up he brushes me off. People refuse to visit because of the body odour in the flat. When I tried to tell Tony that it’s not fair on me, I’m told to get fucked, fuck off and I get pushed around. I’m told once again by Accommodation that I must either find someone else, or continue to pay after I move out. From this time Tony stays in his room. I tried to find his friends on campus to talk with him about things. During this time I also find out that Tony is resitting his first year, and having to resubmit his essays each time. Laidlaw knew this was because he has a gaming addiction. This is not what I would class as a great study record. He also had similar massive problems with his flatmate the previous year, telling me also that he has left each flat owing them money.

Having began to get back to normal sleeping patterns while temporarily in East Wing, I start recording my sleep and listen to the period before I wake up. Determining that it is definitely Tony up banging around on the odd nights, and knowing there is zero Pastoral assistance from Laidlaw, I ask a friend in to try and negotiate with him. Tony admits to us that he lied about his part in House 3, and that he was just “using me” because he didn’t want to be homeless. He didn’t care that he was keeping me awake. He gets verification from his friends on Laidlaw staff that the sleeping problem is mine alone. He insists that I should tell him politely when he stinks too much and ask him to have a shower or clean his room out. He tells us that he had to do chores when he was a child, and now he has moved out of home, he is no longer a child, so no longer has to do chores. Earlier he admitted that he had trouble making friends he tells us he is having counselling, but it becomes painfully obvious that no amount of counselling will help people who don’t tell all of the truth to their counsellors. God has told him that he will be a pastor, and he has seen monkey-like evil spirits swinging around the trees on the Laidlaw campus. His description of these evil spirits is surprisingly like the spirit characters in his video games, and I suspect some of the yells that wake me up at night from his room are possibly him gaming in his sleep. One of his first year classmates that was coming to me for help with his essays also complains that he is being mocked by Tony in class for seeking my help with his assignments.

The next day I am informed by the Post-graduate Advisor that I have failed first semester as DNC, and I am asked what I want to do next, as I can’t continue to complete my Masters as anticipated. I cant progress to my final paper for the year. I can’t get another student loan next year after these DNC’s. My study is over. Laidlaw Accommodation again reiterate that I can move off campus as long as I continue to pay rent (so will be paying rent in two places). Accommodation then acknowledges that Tony is giving them a different story of what is happening in the flat, and Tony was moved out, probably at his own request.

Two weeks later Uani comes to me complaining that Tony is banging around in the flat next door to him in the early hours of the morning, at the same times he was waking me up. Uani complains that he keeps getting out of bed thinking that either someone is entering his own flat, or Greg, his friend, has fallen off of the couch in his sleep. Uani tells me he’s feeling like crap after only two weeks of broken sleep.

This is by no means a complete list of the people who came my way with their “you’re not a Christian” type encouragement at me for whatever reason; apparently I’m not a Christian because I failed my papers, because I used the phrase “pity sex” in a commentary on today’s youth, because I didn’t ‘fix’ Tony, etc.

And it was not just the financial, accommodation or pastoral departments that contributed to my failure. Near the end of the semester when I was making my concerted effort to finish, the student wifi was purposely turned off at nights, often without warning. This continued for weeks. While this did not affect other post-grads who also were using the staff wifi system, it was devastating to me who had a late start and often wasn’t able to be in the office during business hours simply because I wasn’t getting sleep at nights. Additionally, having to travel through the dark pot-holed carpark home while tired saw me trip drop my laptop more than once, so again lose time trying to get my laptop repaired and re-repaired.

Recognising that Laidlaw have a hands off approach to student flatting situations, Laidlaw also prevent students from taking initiative in warning others of potentially dangerous situations. My post on the community facebook page after flatting with Sarah was quickly removed, meaning that others in the community have no way of dealing with issues that Laidlaw keep their hands off. In this way Laidlaw encourage offending behaviours to continue, because they are keeping them hidden. The same people cause the same issues for new flatters year after year.

This is a huge systemic failure of a Christian organisation: hiding abuse, and sheltering the abusive.

In my time on campus I watched a new Christian, who was a new Laidlaw enrollee, get totally led astray by a “pastor” who was about to graduate. The reputation around campus of this “pastor” was horrifying. Yet this new Christian, new to Laidlaw and possibly unaware of his reputation, followed his leadership, at times imitating his behaviour. He’s also been left with unpaid bills from flatting with Tony. In my final weeks this new enrollee came and asked if I was a Christian. I replied that judging from the counselling and preaching students, I wasn’t. I had only come here to finish a New Zealand history Masters. But, if this cultural Marxism is how Christianity is now defined, neither did I want to be known as Christian.

At this stage of my meeting with Stephen, I asked if my experience was a normal one. Stephen said that my experience at Laidlaw was not a normal one, and that he was not aware of any of the things that I had said happened here. But the responses, or lack of, from Pastoral staff indicated that my year was indeed normal. “Some people are like that”, “forgive and move on”, don’t think about it. Yes, this is all well and good, but when constantly without sleep in a physically and verbally abusive environment, while tied into contracts in flats that were never expected to function, just to keep the books balanced, one is not able to complete a Masters degree without everything one writes sounding like an angry rant. The number of students living on-site that are repeating their previous years work is staggering, and itself an indication that the environment is not as conducive to study as it possibly could be.

Probably the greatest challenge I have faced this year is actually being able to talk to people outside Laidlaw about what was happening within. When I moved across here to Henderson from the Shore, I changed churches to a new parish. Situated close to Laidlaw, I didn’t feel comfortable talking with the new parish because, quite frankly, some of the behaviour that I have encountered here, along with the staff attitudes, have been quite shocking. Local parishes are the Laidlaw’s closet catchment area, and I thought that if my experience here got out, it wouldn’t be too long before there were no more people wanting to come here. I have since learned that I am not the only student who had different pre-conceived ideas about what life in the Laidlaw community would be like. Adding to my challenge is that most of my friends are non-Christian, and they would be horrified to find out what goes on here. My former vicar’s wife works for Carefree Christian College down the road, and because I didn’t want whatever I said about Laidlaw to end up there I didn’t feel that I could talk to them. Any sort of Pastoral support at Laidlaw has been next to zero, and I suspect that if there had been any, the Sarah M’s, John T’s, Tony B’s etc that live and study here would not be having the same issues at the end of their degree, or two years in, that they had when they first arrived. One of the vicars from my church is also a lecturer here, said he that he could not offer counsel on the Laidlaw side. But the most comforting counsel he could give for me handling my situation here was that God wouldn’t be annoyed if I didn’t have a degree. At the time it seemed such a great relief, but looking back it was incredibly accepting of the gravity of the whole situation. It became impossible to just ‘power through’ research and writing without any decent length of sleep each night.

Laidlaw pastoral staff appear to insist that because I am the common denominator it was all my fault. As Stephen implied what I first asked him at the start of this meeting. When I wrote my rambled resignation from studies email two months ago, I was prepared to accept that this year was all my fault. And I held no hard feeling towards Laidlaw for my experiences here. It was as if Laidlaw was a person, like Christ. And like my relationship with Christ, I bowed before, and accepted what ever decision Laidlaw made, and whatever they said to me at the time.

But after considerably more sleep, as I spend the last month (November) in prayer, trying to work out where I went wrong, I remember the good things that have happened. Some have come for consolation during various difficulties, and were thankful for my different Biblical perspectives, one man has got back with his wife after seeing that importance during one of our bible reading together. Another made a breakthrough with his personal issues because I was able to ask him questions that his counsellors never do.

And as I pray, God reminds me of the value of my studies, Thomas Kendall’s story, in reuniting our broken-cultured society. (I also have material floating around for two completely different but equally necessary doctorates; the history and influences of hermeneutics here in NZ, and ancient writing skills and levels). In my prayer God reminds me of all that he has done to get me this far to my Masters. God reminded me how much I enjoy study, the career path he had mapped out for me, and how easy reading and writing is when I have sleep. In my prayers, I am reminded of my hopes and dreams.

And in my prayers, I was reminded of all the times I just walk away from conflict. I hadn’t bitten back at anyone this year. I asked Tony if he would have tried to “use” a gang member in the same way he said he’d use me, or was just because he thought that I was a Christian that he had lied; he remained silent. It hadn’t worry me what anyone thought about me, I had just wanted peace and quiet to complete my degree. But the attitude that the Church is where people go for “free stuff” is all-pervading now. God reminded me that he always wants me to grow too, not just academically, but spiritually and in other ways as well. I have not been able to find any assistance to grow spiritually here at Laidlaw. At all. When I ask God why, I am reminded that Laidlaw is just a business, answerable to the government, unable to actually be Christian in the way a church could be. Laidlaw is just a business. I have worked for many businesses with a glossy brochure. I know how businesses work, much the same as here where one says one thing to a customers face to gain a ‘sale’, and the reality the product is much different. A business has no morals or ethics of itself, it is not a person. A business exists to make money.

When I ask God how my problems here are my fault, he asks why I expected things to be any different? Why did I expect that Laidlaw would provide exceptional support in an evangelical Christian environment? Why? Because of the brochure. No staff had said anything any differently. At almost every stage of registration for the first 6 weeks, including Orientation, it appears to me that I was somewhat misled.

As I dwell on all of this year being my fault, an answer to prayer comes. I have lived in Auckland most of my life, and over the years have gotten to know several pastors outside of Laidlaw staff within this local community. I also have many friends, both Christian and non-Christian, living within this area. I know by this stage that my physical health is linked to mental health, which is linked to spiritual health, and all have been suffering intensely due to a lack of sleep. This month of relative peace was a huge benefit to me as I continued to look for work and accommodation. My answer to prayer is this. It has come back to me, from someone outside of the Laidlaw community, that a Laidlaw staffer had said that Warren was “certifiable.”

After 7 months at Laidlaw Christian College, Warren is “certifiable”.

This is an answer to prayer because it proves the revelation that a business has no ethics or morals of it’s own. Laidlaw is a just a business, and from it’s business perspective, Warren was “certifiable”. It is a shame this staff member did not come to me with this information.

As I process this concept, I ask God if I am certifiable, how would a ‘normal’ person react to my year here in the Laidlaw community. I agree, it is certifiably ridiculous that I accept my time here as being God’s will. It is ridiculous that I have put up with this “Christian community” as silently as I have.

Yes, Warren has had social problems with living with these people, but EVERY BODY who has lived with these people, or even lived next door to these same people here at Laidlaw, has had issues sleeping and studying with them around. EVERYONE has social issues with these people. Sarah has had many flatmates this year. Sarah’s flatmate after me abused her neighbour, and attacked their car in the middle of the night bashing in the doors (actually those two nights showed on my sleep recordings also). The behaviour I have witnessed here is normal for Laidlaw. Tony wakes Uani up in the middle of the night even living next door. I am not the only one who has experienced these conditions at Laidlaw. House 3 was never expected to last. While here I took advantage of the opportunity of the ‘free counsellor’ service provided by Laidlaw. I was hoping to find any ways in which I could have had a different outcome from my experience here. There wasn’t any.

Considering the above year, as Stephen G asked, “Where to from here?”, there are three responses I require from Laidlaw, that I consider are fair.

Firstly, a full refund of the amount of my Studylink student loan incurred for this year of study. I do not think I should be in debt simply because Laidlaw the business urgently needed money to make their year balance sheet out. I understand that Laidlaw would like to say that I would have had to pay accommodation anyway, so they feel they should not have to refund this. While it is true that I would have had to pay for accommodation and food anyway, if I was out in the workforce, I would have not gone into debt for it.

Secondly, a full removal of my NZQA ‘Did Not Complete’ marks for this year. This is vital for me to be able to continue any future study as I had previously planned. Any further study that I undertake would need to be at another institution, due to the contemptuous attitude of staff here shown towards me at various times throughout this year.

Thirdly, a letter of apology from the Board of Directors of Laidlaw College, apologising for the treatment I have received from staff within the Laidlaw environment. In addition this letter would need to specifically acknowledge that my failure this year was not because I was “certifiable” as reported by Laidlaw staff within the local community, but because of the systemic failures within the finance department, within academic support department, within the accommodation, and within the pastoral support department.

Having this letter of apology is also vitally important, as after five years within the NZ academic community, I note that there is a tendency for NZ academics to attack the a person or their credibility instead of debate a doctrinal position. With my case, this personal attack has already surfaced before I have even left the premises. I am sure the Board would agree that this style of personal put downs of former students by current staff is entirely unacceptable, at least without my full story here being told.

I would like these three things to be actioned within the next month to allow me the assurance that I can start afresh next year without the stigma currently attached by my time here at Laidlaw. I understand that your Board of Directors my have their own rules or limitations, however, as we both know by now, Laidlaw exist on exceptions to their own rules. It is only fair that my future is not adversely affected by the way that I have been treated here. I expect a response within the next 7 days requesting my bank account details and the full amount of my student loan incurred this year. I do not want the consequences of this Laidlaw experience hanging over me next year.

Thanks and regards,


AAAANNNNNDDDD as I typed all of this up, as Stephen G requested, I realise that this year was actually not about me and Thomas Kendell, but about the complete journey. The last 5 years. I started my theological studies five years ago in a bid to discover why there were so many “Christians” in the paedophile units of Paremoremo, some able to justify their behaviour using scriptures.

The behaviour I have experienced here at Laidlaw College is now normal Christianity, in fact, this is the Christianity that is being taught to new pastors at Auckland University also. These pastors will take their glossy certificates out to start a house church and collect tithes. This is the government sponsored kind of Christianity which says that you can’t advise anyone how to behave, you can’t set standards of behaviour, and that any behaviour is acceptable as long as you pray to Jesus and say you’re sorry. An Anglican Bishop guest lecturing at Laidlaw went as far as to imply there was no longer anything as sin for this current generation. He said that the children at the Anglican schools within his dioceses, where he has been Bishop for four years, had very little understanding of Jesus. Christianity in NZ has been guided by academics in this direction for decades. This is why there were former Laidlaw students in the paedophile units at Paremoremo. The Government’s purpose of organisations like the former University of Auckland Theology Department, and Laidlaw College, appears to be to cleanse Christianity of it’s moral and ethical teachings and usher in the new cultural-Marxist corporate Government sponsored religion.

SO maybe I shouldn’t ask for a refund, and should be happy my academics are over, because this year capped the whole thing nicely. To receive a payment for this letter would mean that it is no longer mine. Therefore I can’t. Essentially, I would be covering up the abuse that is happening within the church.

This final chapter in an epic five year study started off with the question: “Why are so many Christians in jail for paedophilia?” I know why. Exactly why. I discover that I have almost fully lived the life that these men have lived. I know how and why many justify their behaviour, largely based on the hypocrisy of society. It is not a “sickness” at all. Some of the Christians in jail knew far more theology to justify their behaviour than I did 5 years ago. I have had the same teaching they have had, similar counselling, the same pastoral care, many of the same life experiences and choices. I can also understand how, if someone came here to Laidlaw hoping to find God, they could be not only bitterly disappointed, but also leave being told they are the problem, when perhaps, they are not. Thankfully I was not here at Laidlaw to seek who God is, only for sleep and a Masters degree.

If indeed, as Sarah has claimed to other students, she is a transexual, that she was a he, then that would certainly explain all of her weird behaviour. Her continual accusations of me having no balls becomes hilarious! But it would also explain the desperation for attention and verification as a woman. But the whole body-slam of his wee chubby at me becomes an issue of revolting proportions. When I asked, Stephen assured me that she is not a he. Thankfully. It would be ridiculous to escape to the other side of the world just to chose to live as the poorest example of femininity possible. No man would chose to lose his gonads to live in such misery, unless it was forced on him as a court-order for repeated rape or child abuse. And that a tranny could hold a Bible College to ransom to hide his continual verbal and physical abuse of the students under some sort of ‘privacy’ right should be inconceivable.

But this is exactly how the repeat Child Sex Offenders get away with hiding their crimes in NZ society, and in churches here in NZ. Churches are seen as easy targets for access to children. Churches encourage silence and forgiveness upon promises of sorry and repentance, while not wanting it to ‘get out’ lest it harms the reputation of the church involved. Women have almost unlimited access for physical contact with children in ordinary church life. The only prevention for repeat re-offenders in the community is a public register. Sarah has had enough verification of her behaviour from her friends and family for her not to notice anything wrong with it. The enforced silences at Laidlaw ensures that her physical and emotionally manipulative behaviour hasn’t changed since her arrival here.

The answers as to how Christianity has sunk this low will be detailed within the various pages of this site, This final chapter was totally unexpected when I first conceived this website during a secular theology degree two years ago. When complete, this site will detail how the slide of secular academia originated hundreds of years ago, with each failed academic hermeneutic being salvaged and rehashed to form the next. The place I chose to start was with Higher Criticism. This was still taught to first year students as the foundation of modern theology. Higher Criticism provided a re-written history of Israel with its JEDP theory, and the various literary critical hermeneutics that followed attempted to abolish scriptural authority, while feminist criticism attempted to mitigate ecclesial authority. Liberation theologians build on feminist interpretations, discarding academically moral practices they don’t like as ‘Western’ culture. Queer theologian build on liberation theology, claiming morality is all relative to culture and that sexual preference is the key determiner of gender, therefore the sole authority of moral and social behaviour. They trade the traditional family sacred for the global selfish sexual. And now, in the final step, social-Marxism attempts to manipulate the scriptures and re-written history to bully the rest of us to integrate the weakened church into society as a para-government aid agency where “Christian” volunteers pick up the pieces of a global corporate culture. Accepting this absolute relativism that we are taught is called being tolerant, the highest virtue of the secular academic Marxist culture.

In this society there is no such thing as sin. In addition to the law changes freeing sexual behaviour that were introduced by the feminist movement, the next law changes will be allowing plural marriages in line with Sharia law, reducing legal intercourse age, and then abolishing the concept altogether. Our children are primed for this sexual exploitation in primary school sex education classes. This is already at the point where the Roastbusters were unprosecutable because the sex was instigated and facilitated by the young teen women themselves, as per their own video testimonies recorded during the events. These young boys obviously grew up in era where they watched women changing their minds the next day, so sought to protect themselves from false accusations.

But there is also a history of paedophilia within the church, and homosexuality within academic clicks chipping away at the Biblical values being taught to future priests and vicars. These academics determine which essays are written, and what is taboo to write about, obviously not allowing any essay proposal that could possibly contradict their sexual preferences. This website intends to detail this happing here in NZ. NZ has had its share of paedophile priests since Christianity arrived, all attempting to promote their homosexual behaviour as ‘normal’ to unsuspecting young boys, and integrating homosexuality into academia from an early stage. Several episodes that I have witnessed during the last five years re-verifies the need for public registers of Child Sex Abusers who currently hide behind privacy laws to continue their offending.

Paedophiles who claim to be Christian have been accepted as such by their families, within their communities, verified by some academia, and by their pastors from the pulpit also trained by this academia. As per Theology of a Paedophile, their behaviour does not matter, that the old legalistic patriarchal rules of morality do not apply to them. They can do what they want. All will be forgiven. You can’t judge them, they are above any moral law. Forgive and forget, there’s no need to report anything. The good news is that no matter what you do it’s OK. Those who won’t accept your behaviour have the problems with bigotry, racism, unforgivingness, etc. Much of the secular teaching from the state university detailed within this site was also was here at Laidlaw Christian College, mixed in with the traditional. The excuses that we can behave how we want because God created us this way, and will forgive us anyway, the same taught by the Catholic nuns at the secular universities, just doesn’t wash with me.

And Laidlaw students are obviously not being taught how to counter this secular fake Christianity either. This is the sterilised social-Marxist gospel that the government wants people to hear.

This whole journey started when I was part of a prison ministry that was allocated the paedophile wings of Auckland prison.  I didn’t realise how many attitudes and beliefs that I held in the time were held in common with some of those guys imprisoned. Secular NZ uses the media to force the church to give up the traditional Biblical moral values. That secular New Zealand will not even let Christians preach their former high behavioural and moral expectations, but still expects the love, helps to hide deep within the church those people whose morals and values they even many secularists reject. Forty years ago secularists were accusing the churches of harbouring sexually deviant paedophiles, and now the secularists are making it easier for the sexually deviant to hide in the churches who are not allowed to judge moral behaviour.

God is love, do not judge, all religions are the same, the Bible is not relevant, all sin is sin, sin just is a cultural construct anyway, absolute relativism is the rule. Science is god, we are just animals, so this behaviour comes naturally. This is the sterilised social-Marxist gospel the government wants people to hear, as preached by NZ’s highest ranked university, and practised by Australasia’s largest religious college. This theology is remarkably similar to the Theology of a Paedophile.

This is the current state of what was formerly known as Christianity in New Zealand.


(March 2017)

– Laidlaw Pastoral staff are celebrating their 20 years service to Laidlaw.

– The PI ‘pastor’ who held the weekly services has graduated and has been accepted for Masters. (He also had a child to his step daughter while living on campus, after arriving home drink one night and finding her asleep on the couch.)

– A friend on campus has passed away. A long time community social worker. He was an original genuinely nice guy, always trying to encourage. He was the first to say what happened to me was not right, which helped me snap out of my mini depression after failure. Please be careful when taking prescription medicine. 

– Tony has moved into Sarah’s apartment. Apparently, according to mutual friends, Sarah is claiming to be a transgender, a claim which Stephen G and Laidlaw pastoral staff deny. This would certainly explain her appearance and erratic behaviour, but makes it all the more shocking that Laidlaw would try and cover her abuse up.

Is this really 21st century Christianity?